Entry #6: Pinagbuksan ko muna.

One year before I hit three decades of breathing here on earth. I still find this unfathomable. Mas madalas kasi ang bwelo ko na baka hindi ko maabot ang bawat taong madadagdag sa akin. My bad, my brain has been etched horridly this way, and best believe I have always been trying so hard to just live. And honestly, taking a leap of faith, then failing have me wonder if I even truly deserve to be in this place. This is vulnerability again, or maybe just word vomit to fill the blankness I have put my self into once again. 

Nabuo ko na naman 'yung tanong na, saan na nga ba ang daan na para sa akin? Hinahabol ko naman. Kaso kada takbo ko, palayo nang palayo, at kung susubukan kong abutin, naduduwal ako sa sarili kong desperasyon. 

Then, there's the tiniest voice whispering on my ears, that I have no right to feel this way. Why would I be? I am not worthy to crash out. To rip my voice into madness because I have something to hold on? I am well aware. Seryoso. 

That's the stupidiest thing they can make of. The grip is not there for me to survive, but it's a solid reminder that I should try hard enough. Harder even. Kasi kapag hindi ko ginawa, hindi ko sinunuod ang bawat hibla ng daanan na para sa liwanag ng bukas, anong mangyayari sa akin? 

This is probably my silliest take. I might even trash this later on. Kaso, paminsan-minsan ay may gusto rin naman akong gawing alaaala. Hindi nga karera ang buhay, pero hindi lahat, kayang tumigil lang basta-basta.